Does your boyfriend or girlfriend:

• have a history of bad relationships?
• blame others for his/her problems?
• get serious too quickly – is too quick to say “I love you?”
• believe he/she is superior to you – does not take your opinions seriously or treat you as an equal?
• have unpredictable mood swings and make you worry about how he/she will react?
• act jealous and possessive – check up on you and want to know where you are at all times?
• blame you when he/she mistreats you – saying that you provoked the reaction or “pushed my buttons?”
• cause you to feel like you have to make excuses for his/her behavior?
• try to control you – boss you around and insist on making all of the decisions?
• use guilt trips – like “If you loved me…” or “I need you so much?”
• keep you from spending time with your family and friends?
• cause your family and friends to be concerned for your safety – have they warned you about him/her?
• use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for being abusive?
• pressure you to have sex or threaten you if you don’t want to?
• threaten to hurt you or hurt him/herself if you end the relationship?
• hurt you, or intimidate you with threats to hurt you or others?
• always apologize for his/her abusive behavior, promising to never do it again?

If you have answered YES to some or all of the above questions, you may be in a dangerous relationship. Talk about your emotional and physical safety with someone you trust. Safe Shelter Advocates are available 24/7 and you don’t need to tell us who you are unless you want to.

If you decide to end the relationship, a Safe Shelter Advocate can help you think it through and make a safety plan.

Source: NCJW, Essex County Section, Inc. 2004